I felt I must sit down very, very quietly. Although I did the pain became a steadily expanding, deep, penetrating ache, spreading from beneath midbreastbone, around the sides chest, neck into lower jaw, and down the inner aspect left arm into fourth and fifth fingers.
It cycled a bit.
Sometimes seemed most dreadful in chest, then in jaw and lower teeth, then in left arm.
But conveyed one clear message. What I felt from the outset and continued feel through about two hours what seemed absolutely intolerable pain was that if I remained absolutely immobile, not moving even an eyelash, perhaps would let I would guess took about ten twelve minutes build maximal intensity, and there stayed. During the entire period I sat absolutely still with eyes closed, conscious the fact that I was sweating profusely and that I probably looked very pale and lousy. Although wife was bustling cheerfully about in the kitchen, not fifteen feet away, I said absolutely nothing, feeling that even moving tongue or vocal chords was simply too much.
I had no inclination There was another aspect the pain that frequently alluded others.
There was absolutely no doubt in mind that I was about die.
As the pain remained, I simply wished exodus would ahead and happen. The emotion I can recapture regarding this certainty was not one great fear, but rather anger mixed with sadness.
I felt angry because this goddamned thing was happening and because I knew that some things I had done smoking for years, and handling some recent episodes stress rather poorly had provoked I was sad because I was not going able say goodbye anybody particularly family and close friends and colleagues or tell them The quality the pain as difficult for describe as seems have been for other observers over the last seventy-plus years.
It was not the bright, or burning, or well-localized pain one feels with a cut, a puncture, or a bum, from which one instinctively and swiftly retreats. A very different set nerve endings are involved. It was a dreadful, deep, nauseating ache.
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